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Awhile back, I wrote a blog post on “Me Time” and the importance of taking time for ourselves. More recently, I have realized that a lot of us are ashamed to let other people that we are taking time for ourselves. It’s like we feel we have to continue to work, work, work and give, give give. So what happens when we burn out and are no longer able to give of ourselves? (Read more on burnout here.)
I have been very intrigued by positive psychology and am so happy that it is part of my coach training. I have been connecting the dots between positive psychology and self-care. According to Psychology Today (What is Positive Psychology, and What is it Not?): “Positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living. It is a call for psychological science and practice to be as concerned with strength as with weakness; as interested in building the best things in life as in repairing the worst; and as concerned with making the lives of normal people fulfilling as with healing pathology.”
I was introduced to the book <a target=”_blank” href=”https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0143114956/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0143114956&linkCode=as2&tag=jenniferlynnc-20&linkId=83fe958dfaaaafe5dc9313f340c20fd1″>The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want</a><img src=”//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=jenniferlynnc-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0143114956″ width=”1″ height=”1″ border=”0″ alt=”” style=”border:none !important; margin:0px !important;” /> by Sonja Lyubomirsky and was pleasantly suprised that up to 40% of happiness is within our power to change. FORTY PERCENT!
I am always trying to do something for myself every day that makes me happy. Sometimes it’s a bath and meditation at night, yoga, reading a book, taking a walk, eating lunch with my husband or a friend, etc. Everyone is different so the first step is understanding what makes you happy.
I have coached a couple people on spending “me time” and having friends that seem embarrassed to tell us that they are doing something for themselves and with these interactions, felt the need to spread the word and see who I can all help create a habit of self-care.
I have put together a 30 Day Self-Care Group Coaching Pilot Program. In this program, there are: 30-days of a Support Group
2 group coaching sessions via Zoom (recorded and posted in the group)
Daily Journal Prompts
Weekly FB Lives
And new friendships
The first program starts Sunday, May 6th.
To join, click the buy now button or you can contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I will see you in the group!
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For more books I recommend click here.
“What you seek is seeking you.”
— Rumi —
My Coaching Experience
Maybe you’ve heard of this thing called coaching. I was skeptical at first because when I thought of coaching, I thought of sports. I didn’t want someone like a sports’ coach to help me!
I had the opportunity to try coaching out for myself just over 2 years ago. It was part of a leadership program I was in, so I decided I wanted everything I could get for the money I paid in! So I booked my first session. I was so uncertain of what to expect and to be honest, a little scared. I wasn’t sure what it was I was scared of at first, but then later it became clear. I was scared of finding stuff wrong with me, but that’s why I was there. To improve me.
I didn’t know what I was going to discover that first session. I was stepping out of my comfort zone, going into the unknown. I discovered a limiting belief that I had about myself. I was lacking self-confidence and through the help of my amazing coach, I was able to look back into my past and see where it was coming from. Now, I would love to say that that fixed it and that it was just that easy. And even though it didn’t solve it completely, it was my first step. Acknowledging I had that limiting belief and where it came from.
I had 2 coaches at one time and my other coach helped me get through making the decision of a career change. Coaching has really helped me get clarity around who I am and what I want out of life. It helped me get unstuck from the rut that I felt I was in.
Between coaching with my two coaches and the leadership class I mentioned earlier, I discovered my passion and purpose. First, it was vague. I knew I was put here on earth to help others. I was content with that for awhile, then I wanted to know more. How was I supposed to help others? During a coaching session, we did a visualization and I found out it was to help others through coaching to help them find their own passions and purposes. I have even dug deeper myself and discovered I want to help individuals rediscover their confidence and their own awesomeness in life and I want to help business owners and managers create a thriving culture that retains the right employees.
I spent a lot of time looking into coaching certifications to find the right one for me. I wanted one that I didn’t have to travel much as I didn’t want to be away from my family much, and I wanted one that was affordable to me, and yet had great credibility and that I could get accredited through ICF after completing.
My coach recommended one of Valorie Burton’s book to me during one of our sessions and so I bout it. On the back, it talked about her CaPP (Coaching and Positive Psychology Institution. After doing some research I found that it was credentialed by the ICF and it was like 1/2 the cost of other programs I looked into. I also only had to travel for a 3-day program in Peach Tree Georgia!
I attended the 3-day CTI (Coach Training Intensive) Retreat at the end of July which was a pre-requisite for the CPEC (Coaching Personal and Executive Certification) Program.
What is Coaching?
So what is coaching? To me, coaching is bringing out the answers from within the client. I like how Valorie Burton says it on her site: https://valorieburton.com/coaching/what-is-coaching/
There is a link on there that will take you to her page on Positive Psychology. Psychology was always known for finding what was wrong with people. Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology, decided to ask what is right with those that are Happy? What are they doing?
What Coaching is Not
Coaching is not: Counseling, Therapy, Consulting, etc. Generally, coaches do not give advice.
Is Coaching Right For You?
Ask yourself, “Is there something missing in my life? Is there Something I would like to improve? Am I living up to my full potential? Do I feel stuck?”
I believe coaching will work for anyone who comes to it with an open mind. Finding the right coach for you is important too. Do your research. Find a coach that you connect with. One coach does not fit all. 🙂
Just 5 minutes…
Or maybe 10….
15? 30? A whole hour?
Sometimes you just need to give yourself some “me time.”
This afternoon wasn’t going as I would have liked it. My software crashed and I lost the whole 2 pages I had completed in the document I was working on. Got it back up, trying to get redone what I had already done and it starts going slow, so I backspace and it deletes more than planned. Go to get my youngest to learn he had a rough day at preschool/daycare, husband still wasn’t home when I got home and I needed to get going to my workout, the oldest shut the younger one’s finger in his bedroom door and life just seemed tough at that time. Those weren’t my proudest moments either. I let my stress get the best of me and became short with my children. I almost didn’t go to my workout as I was overwhelmed, but I sucked it up and went anyway.
I am so glad I did as it gave me time to cool down and think about what I really wanted. I even told myself I was going to give myself 5 minutes after down at the pond to reflect and journal. When I started writing, in ended up like I was writing to someone and I felt a strong urge to share it.
When I started this blog, I was only going to post once a week. I guess it’s your lucky day as this is my second one this week!
Instead of turning my journal entry into a whole blog post, I just want to be real and share wat I wrote:
Sometimes you just need to give yourself 5 minutes of me time (reminder to myself). Time to reflect and think about what you want. Take in what you’re feeling in this moment and compare it to what you want to feel. We (I say we, but I really mean me, however, I can’t be the only one that feels this way!) take our emotions out on those around us. When we’re stressed (and I mean the bad stress, not the good kind, the kind where we let it take over and we don’t manage it well) we snap or get short with those around us. We tend to take it out on others.
Things weren’t going my way this afternoon and it seemed like one thing after another. I was short with my kids and thought about not going to work out (especially since both my accountability partners weren’t going to be there), but I did. I also decided to take 5 minutes down at the pond for some fresh air (which the lilacs smelled amazing!) watch the pond and the walkers, and take in all the sounds around me (lawnmowers, ball practice, the water, all sounds of springtime!) and to reflect and journal. Well, the 5 minutes turned into 10, but who’s counting! You can’t mess with the flow! 😉
The time was intended for me to be me reflecting on how I felt so I could go home and be more at peace than when I left, (which it totally did) and ended up me writing my story of today in a way I could share. I believe there is a reason for everything. When we are aware of our intuition and feelings, we start to realize our passions and purposes and sometimes we feel urges to do certain things. I have learned to listen to those urges. This urge was the need to reach out to you and tell you that it’s OK to take 5 minutes (or 10, or however long you need!) for you. You deserve it. All those around you deserve it too. I’ve always like the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
I encourage you to find time in your schedule for you. You can call it whatever you want: Rejuvenation, refueling, reflecting, “so I don’t go insane on my family time.” Just do it. Even if it’s only 5-10 minutes. Go for a walk. Take a bath. Workout. Do Yoga. Read a book. Meditate. Journal. There are lots of options. Pick something that you enjoy that makes you feel good.
“Don’t become too preoccupied with what is happening around you. Pay more attention to what is going on within you.” – Mary Frances Winters
Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.
After last week’s blog post on fear, I wanted to follow up with how to overcome a fear.
And all week, I was unsure how I was going to do that.
I did a lot of researching fear and ways to overcome. I looked up phobias (and did you know there are over 500 documented phobias? There is even a phobia of phobias!) I looked up quotes. And after all those hours? Not much resonated. I had to get down to the basic first.
I went back to what is fear? I discussed this last week some. It is only a feeling. It is a belief that we have. It is ONLY an emotion.
So, how do we change a belief?
First, we have to get to know it. Get buddy-buddy with it. Learn why it is there. Is it an event that happened to you in the past? Is it something that happened to someone you know? Was it something you read or watched?
One thing I have learned is it is usually not what we think right away. There is almost always something underneath the feeling we have.
The best advice I have been given my entire life is: Get out of your head.
Easier said than done. It took me a long time to learn to get out of my head. To be able to ignore everything that was really going on and to quiet my inner critic so my subconscious could do its work.
Now that we have gotten to where we are out of our heads, thinking clearly, and know our fear a little bit better, I would like to go into one way to overcome the fear.
Grab a notebook and your favorite pen or pencil. Go somewhere where you can have peace and quiet. I also suggest finding a spacious area where you feel like you have plenty of room.
Now, write down the fear you have. What does this fear feel like? Where in your body do you have this fear? What does it do to your posture?
Write out what may have caused this fear.
Once that’s all out on paper, you can keep it in your journal or you may wish to get rid of it. Rip up those old feelings, put it in a shredder, or throw it in a fire. (Please be careful with the last one. 😉 )
It feels good to get all of that out of the way, doesn’t it?
On to changing the belief.
What is the new belief you want to create? Write this down. Write down how this new belief makes you feel. Write down how this new belief helps you.
Make a mantra out of it. Write it in present tense. “I got this.” “I am brave.”
Put your mantra on some colorful paper and put it up where you see it daily. Or put it as the background on your computer.
If you still have a fear that is limiting you, I suggest finding a life coach to help you through it.
Time to send your fear out the door!
Please let me know in the comments what worked for you. 🙂
Have a great day!
*Disclaimer: I am not a professional. These are just steps that have worked for me that I am passing on so that it can help others too.
Fear. Just reading that word might make you tense up. It may bring a flashback of a memory or something you’re going through right now. How can one little word have so much power over us? It’s just a feeling, right? Right. It’s just a feeling. A feeling that many of us have and our mind makes it into a bigger deal than it actually is. We let it engulf us in its shadow.
Recently, I had a fear that I knew I needed to face. About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to “life coaching.” I have utilized my coaches many times to get through different happenings in my life. What is so cool about coaching is that it allows you to use your own mind and subconscious to find the answers you are looking for. It’s not someone else giving you advice.
I’ve had this fear for a while and it has came and went numerous times. Well, it probably never really went away. I buried it. I didn’t want it to become real so I kept pushing it down. I got the feeling that if I kept doing that, eventually it would come back bigger. That was when I decided to confront it. By confronting it, I realized how much was behind the fear. Mainly memories and old feelings. I also realized how big of a support system I have with friends and family which greatly outweighs the fear itself.
At the end of my coaching session, my coach and I were chit chatting and I came to the realization that my fears are like a big shadow, but when you go to confront them, they really are just a small little bug that you can squash or flick away.
Even after that realization, the feeling of fear came back to me even more recently. See, I have been “brainstorming” this blog idea for quite some time. Set many deadlines of dates when I wanted it to be up and live. I always found a way to procrastinate or put it off. It wasn’t ready. I’m missing somethings. What if people don’t like what I write? What if it’s a success, and then I stop being consistent and let it go? What if, what if, what if? I was overcome by a feeling earlier this week that I needed to get this out soon. I kept seeing and hearing signs and hearing my conscious tell me it’s time. And those signs and gut feeling brought on the fear again, and I was short of breath, on the brink of a panic attack. I knew I needed to find resources to get me out of the funk so I could get this going and set my deadline for that Friday.
I found a group of people to share my fear with and they were all very encouraging. I imagined my fear as the shadow and got closer to it to confront it. Found the bug, and flicked it away. I changed my fears from what if this goes wrong, to what if I succeed? What if I can at least connect to one person with my stories? Which brings up another good point. Vulnerability.
Vulnerability can be very rewarding. I have witnessed it. Just 5 people at a table, taking the chance of sharing our thoughts and feelings with each other. Making a safe place. Being vulnerable. Great things came from that session. We all connected. We are all full of resources and you never know what you will find. Even if the small group of people you are with aren’t a direct resource, chances are they will know someone who is.
Fear is only a feeling. We get to choose how to let it affect us. I challenge you to confront a fear you have. Find and use resources. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with the right people. The people you want to be like. Use a journal. Change your fear into excitement!
I always enjoy reading comments and answering questions! Please tell me in the comments below how this blog post has helped you.
Have a great day!